Tot~ The BIG Move

Here we are now it's the end of September '08. We are just waiting on my sister's fingerprints and then Tot can start to have overnight visits. Now my sister was frequently gone on the weekends, so Tot's social worker agreed to let him stay overnight if she was gone since they had print results for Jeff and I. We were so excited!!!!! He slept in a crib in our room and I swear I hardly slept. I kept waking up that first night and thinking our little boy is here and how am I going to send him back to grandma's house. Now at this point we were planning for there to be a bit of overlap time between Tot moving in and my sister and her kids moving out, but somewhere in here (it gets a bit hazy) we were informed that Tot could not have a crib in our room once we licensed. I made a phone call to my sister and we started discussing our options. My sister had actually come across a place to rent that would be perfect for her and the girls. She would just up her moving date to the following weekend (the first weekend in October) and Tot would move in all at the same time. It was all happening so fast. I was so sad to see my sister and the girls go. I wanted a little more transition for all of us, and I didn't want her and the girls to feel forced out. At the same time I was excited to become a mom. I remember the tears the last night the girls slept here (still makes me a bit weepy). Me and the girls sat on the floor and cried. I really didn't like that I felt I was pushing them out and that they could possibly feel replaced in my heart. They were too young to fully grasp the situation entirely, all they knew is they had to move out and Tot was taking their room at auntie's house.

Moving day was crazy! As the girls' bedroom emptied out we painted the walls from pink to green. Literally, as soon as Jeff was done helping with all of my sister's heavier things he went home and started to paint Tot's new room 'cuz Tot would be here in the morning and needed a room. I remember being so conflicted emotionally. How could I be so excited and so sad at the same time. I just wanted my cake and a big old slice of it to eat too. I certainly wouldn't trade those days for the world, but you could not pay me enough to live them again. Having tears of sadness and tears of joy at the same time will wear a person out!!!!!!