Jet~ SURPRISE!!!!!!

With Tot we had the luxury of transition time, and now I know just what a blessing that is! Jeff and I had decided we wanted to go through the Holidays with just Tot, but we would take more kids after the first of the year. Within the first few days of the new year (the 2nd of January to be exact) we took a sibling group for 2 nights until they could go to grandmas and that was a piece of cake. This foster parent thing is easy I thought! Boy was I in for a rude awakening!!!!!!!!

On Monday morning the 12th of January 2009, I got a call asking me to take a 2 year old boy for a couple of nights. I said sure and they said they would call me when they knew more. I told them I had errands to run and for them to call my cell if I didn't answer at home. Well, they didn't call and confirm a thing. At 4:45pm I was at Target with Tot and my cell rang. All I heard was screaming in the background. Then an adult male voice identifies himself as a social worker and he asks when I'll be home. How does he know I'm not home you ask... 'CUZ HE'S WAITING IN MY DRIVEWAY... with a highly upset 2 year old. I tell him to give me 30 minutes, I made my purchase and flew home. We had just got in the door when I see Jeff's car pull up... CRAP!!!! I hadn't told him about this little guy because I had just found out myself, but I tend to do better with surprises. Thank God Jeff is a kind and patient man! He handled the surprise like a champ and we moved on to settling little Jet in for the next couple of days.

Tot~ The BIG Move

Here we are now it's the end of September '08. We are just waiting on my sister's fingerprints and then Tot can start to have overnight visits. Now my sister was frequently gone on the weekends, so Tot's social worker agreed to let him stay overnight if she was gone since they had print results for Jeff and I. We were so excited!!!!! He slept in a crib in our room and I swear I hardly slept. I kept waking up that first night and thinking our little boy is here and how am I going to send him back to grandma's house. Now at this point we were planning for there to be a bit of overlap time between Tot moving in and my sister and her kids moving out, but somewhere in here (it gets a bit hazy) we were informed that Tot could not have a crib in our room once we licensed. I made a phone call to my sister and we started discussing our options. My sister had actually come across a place to rent that would be perfect for her and the girls. She would just up her moving date to the following weekend (the first weekend in October) and Tot would move in all at the same time. It was all happening so fast. I was so sad to see my sister and the girls go. I wanted a little more transition for all of us, and I didn't want her and the girls to feel forced out. At the same time I was excited to become a mom. I remember the tears the last night the girls slept here (still makes me a bit weepy). Me and the girls sat on the floor and cried. I really didn't like that I felt I was pushing them out and that they could possibly feel replaced in my heart. They were too young to fully grasp the situation entirely, all they knew is they had to move out and Tot was taking their room at auntie's house.

Moving day was crazy! As the girls' bedroom emptied out we painted the walls from pink to green. Literally, as soon as Jeff was done helping with all of my sister's heavier things he went home and started to paint Tot's new room 'cuz Tot would be here in the morning and needed a room. I remember being so conflicted emotionally. How could I be so excited and so sad at the same time. I just wanted my cake and a big old slice of it to eat too. I certainly wouldn't trade those days for the world, but you could not pay me enough to live them again. Having tears of sadness and tears of joy at the same time will wear a person out!!!!!!

Tot~ Getting To Know You

It is important for you to remember a couple of things here. At this point my sister and her girls are still living with us. Now she has graduated from her masters program and is working at a before and after school program. Since it is summertime and the kids are there all day I agreed to help her a couple of days a week until the kids were back in school. Jeff and I are still not licensed, but are working hard to get things done since we have a little boy waiting to move in.

Through the summer and into September we had Tot over a couple of times a week and a lot of Saturdays. He usually cried for a couple of minutes when he got dropped off, but a little binky time and some snuggles on the couch and he was all better. We would play, watch movies, snuggle, and take naps so that he could get use to sleeping in what would soon become his new home. Grandma and I would have frequent talks about multiple topics related to Tot. When and how would we tell him that he's adopted? What role if any did Jeff and I want them to play in his life? I assured them they would be a very important part of Tot's future and kept saying it until I knew she believed me. All in all this was an amazing time. We all got along so well and really enjoyed one another's company. We could feel the Lord's hand as we made plans for Tot's upcoming move.

Tot~ The Start Of Something

Photo By Jamie Thompson Photography

*For the sake of protecting the identity of our foster children all pictures will hide little faces and they will be given nicknames. As we adopt children we will reveal their little faces.

Picture a summer day, you are getting ready to take a road trip to visit family and the air is already thick with excitement for this anticipated visit with loved ones... then the phone rings! In all the work of packing for our trip I did not get to the phone in time (OK, so I was in the shower) and after listening to the message I am so glad I had a moment to compose myself. The message was from a long time family friend. She said she had heard from her mom that Jeff and I were licensing to become foster parents and wanted to talk to me about a situation she had come across. I called her back right away and here's what she shared with me... She had met a grandmother that was taking care of her 18 month old grandson. This little boy had been placed in her home after being removed from his parent's care at around 9 months of age by DCFS (commonly known as CPS). It looked as though this little boy would be legally free (available for adoption) rather soon. Grandma still had 3 older kids living at home and was thinking adoption may be in her grandson's best interest. My friend wanted to know if I wanted to meet grandma and this little guy and I said... OF COURSE!!!!!

A few short days later I went to my friend's house to meet grandma and this little guy. Some of you can only imagine what was going through my mind and some of you know because you have been there. Grandma was not at all what you picture when you think of a grandma. While she was sweet with kind eyes and an easy smile as you would expect, she looked so young to me with her long blonde hair and wrinkle free face. She introduced me to one of her daughters and then to this little bundle of all boy! Tot (as we will affectionately refer to him) was riding in some sort of wagon or something and playing all over in the yard. He had a bit of a runny nose and blonde hair like grandma, but his eyes were captivating blue. During this visit my heart flooded with empathy and understanding for what this family must be going through. I left that meeting with plans to get together again so they could meet Jeff and we could meet the rest of the family.

There are some that would quickly pass judgement on this family for considering the idea of adoption. Let me set the record straight right now... It was not lack of love that caused this family to choose a safe loving home for this little boy quite the opposite in fact. Sometimes love means a great sacrifice, and that looks different for every family.

Licensing Process

Have you ever tried to call a government agency and tried to speak to a live person? Well that's what I was trying to do, but I had to press this number and that number to get to the right department only to get a recording that said to leave my name address and phone # and someone would call me within 24 to 48 hours. Now you would think with the massive shortage of foster parents that my phone would be ringing by 10 o'clock the next day... but it didn't. A week, then 2 weeks went by with no word, so I tried a different #. Little did I know it was the after hours line used to report instances of child abuse, but they forwarded my information to the right people and the ball began to roll... FAST! Within a week we had a licenser to our home and she gave us a licensing packet and helped explain to us what the licencing process looked like.

Now that we are licensed I will offer you some tips based on our experience...

~Watch the orientation video online
~Make an appointment for fingerprinting the second you get your fingerprinting information since this is by far the most lengthy part of the process even though they do them digitally now
~Take lots of Starbucks and snacks to your PRIDE classes it will help keep you focused
~Make a copy of all paperwork before you turn it in (paperwork tends to disappear once it's been turned in)
~Don't forget that if your children were placed in foster care for whatever reason you would be thankful that the state does all the interviewing and background checking that they do.
~Keep your sense of humor ;-)

The Foster Debate

By this point (2007), Jeff and I had been married 6 years and had no children of our own. I was uncomfortable pursuing the various fertility options and Jeff was very understanding. It seemed our options were getting rather slim. Adoption didn't seem like an available option since we didn't have the money to spend for such a thing and had heard that an adoption could cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

Now I firmly believe that God brings us friendships for special times in our lives. For Jeff and I 2 of those special friendships came in the form of the Thompson and Davis families. The Davis family is the family I spoke of in my last blog that met us at our future home and prayed with us, and Thompson family is the family that pointed us towards fostering. A member of their family has worked for the state for over 20 years, so they had great amounts of knowledge to bestow upon us. Ultimately, it came down to 2 things... 1) With fostering you are helping children desperately in need of rescue 2) Should the opportunity for adoption present itself the state will pay for everything... within a certain budget of course. With these perks there is also a cost. Naturally the state doesn't take one look at you and say, "Well you seem nice... HAVE SOME KIDS!" Knowing there would be a price to pay both physically and emotionally, Jeff and I decided to move forward with the licensing process.

Our Home Purchase

Less than 2 weeks before Jeff and I got married (Christmas Eve morning to be exact) my sister gave birth to a perfect baby girl that immediately stole our hearts. 15 months after that she gave birth to another dose of perfection. These two bundles of joy eased my baby bug a bit, but I was still wanting to become a mom really soon. Jeff had no such notion at the time, but he at least pretended he did!

Jeff and I were very comfortable with our role as doting auntie and uncle to these two precious girls. When the girls were a bit older, my sister decided to go back to school. In order to make things work for everyone she and the girls were going to move in with Jeff and I so that I could take care of the girls while Amie worked and was in school. The only problem with this plan was that we were living in a 2 bedroom condo at the time. Soooooo, to make a long story short we purchased our first home in April of '07. Before we purchased our home Jeff and I met up with some close friends to just look at the place. We ended up doing what some of you will think is odd, but we prayed right then and there for God to give us this home. When everything finalized Jeff and I committed to using our home for ministry. That seemed pretty easy considering my sister and two nieces were about to move in temporarily.

Wedding Day

Things progressed rapidly for Jeff and I. The next thing we knew we were engaged and had set the wedding day for January 5th, 2002. Yes, that is a mere 4 months and a few days from our first date. For those of you that think this happened way too fast STOP IT!!!!! From the second Jeff and I even considered entering into a relationship we knew it was going to be "until death us do part". While Jeff was on his business trip (before our first date) we were talking marriage instead of dating. Again you may think TOO FAST, but I assure you no two people have been more confident that this was a God ordained union.

A little side note...
If you are considering getting married I can only advise one thing, BE CERTAIN GOD HAS ORCHESTRATED YOUR FUTURE MARRIAGE. If you can't say that with conviction and cofidence then WAIT!!!!! There is no "oops I made a mistake" clause when you say I Do. Whether you stay married or not you become marked by that person for life. Be sure you are going to be marked for the better.

Back on point...
Well our wedding day dawned and I did what all brides do to get pretty for the big event. I was getting my hair done when my cell rang and Jeff told me he had just been diagnosed with strep throat. GREAT!!!!! We get to start our married life out in sickness rather than health, but oh well we still needed to get to the church on time (to quote a well known movie). Since I was not the bride that wanted the big wedding, we attempted to keep things low key, but lost that battle. Remember I mentioned that I was a pastor's kid... well the whole church was invited, and Jeff's family is HUGE!!!!! So, we had close to 200 guests when we wanted less than 15 (yes, I did say 15). I refused to walk down the aisle since I at least wanted the luxury of pretending there was only 15 people there... it worked until I turned around to be introduced to the group as Mr. & Mrs. Jeffrey __________... well, we gotta keep some secrets! We ran downstairs and had food (I think) and cake, then I took my sick hubby home and... another secret!

First Date

Our first date was on September 11th 2001... that's right THE SEPTEMBER 11TH. Our first date was on a day most remember as a sad, traumatic day, but for Jeff and I it was the beginning of life as we now know it. Jeff had flown back home from a business trip in Tulsa, Oklahoma late on the night of the 10th. We'd made plans to have lunch during my split shift after he had slept in and had a chance to rest up from his flight. Little did we know events were in place to change our whole lives.

I woke up for work on the morning of the 11th and got ready like I always did. I hopped in my car and turned up the radio as usual to wake up and all I heard was "Our Nation Is Under Attack"! I quickly filled in the blanks and called Jeff. "Turn on your TV! A plane has hit one of the twin towers!" I told him. You know the rest of that story, so I will continue with our first date. Sooooo, somehow I make it through the first half of my shift, another plane crash, and the Towers falling. Jeff and I went to IHOP for lunch (stores and such were closing for the day rapidly by now) and while we were eating I got a call from my boss saying we would also be closing for the day. How BITTERSWEET! Here people were in the midst of tragedy and I was having my first date with the man I would eventually call my husband. No, we will never forget that day for so many reasons, THANK GOD NOT ALL OF THEM ARE BAD!!!!!!

Everyone Knew But Us (How We Got Together)

For you to understand where we are today I must give you our back story. Jeff and I knew one another from church. I was the pastor's kid, so I knew and talked to everyone. What I knew of Jeff didn't exactly draw me to him. He was a geek and I dated bad boys. I was a brat and he was nicer than any guy I had ever met. It took a year for us to even blip on one another's radars, but after we did, LOOKOUT!

After finally getting tired of dating bad boys I had just told the Lord that He could pick my soul-mate. So it's August of 2001 and Jeff and I are at a Christian music festival with the youth group. I had no idea Jeff even planned to be there and I was in pretty bad shape emotionally. Now it's a hot sunny day and a group of us are at a concert Jeff included. I'm holding a baby bottle and somehow manage to drop it down into the bleachers... not once but twice. Both times Jeff offered his hand to help me get back to my seat, and both times I looked at him like he was crazy and sat down on my own w/o Jeff's help, but it got me to thinking. Bad boys just use you, and they would never be a gentleman and offer help to a woman. Hmmmm, maybe Jeff isn't such a geek after all. BLIP! He's now on my radar! For Jeff it was a little more subtle, but the next thing you know we were planning our first date. Slowly, word started to leak to our church family that something was brewing between Jeff and I. The overwhelming response I got was, WE WERE WAITING FOR YOU TWO TO NOTICE ONE ANOTHER!!!!!!!

Too Late

So here I go jumping the gun! It's after 10pm and I just set up this blog, but am now too tired to do any posts worth your time this evening. I will start our story first thing tomorrow! Sweet Dreams All!